Why Do I Hurt Chinese Girls?

Comment

Comment by Jodie Z on August 19, 2012 at 11:46pm

Most Chinese girls love to be treated as little girls.

Comment by J Sin on June 25, 2012 at 6:00am

@everyone wow. i've been absolutely amazed at the many comments left on this blog. i had some opinion before, but now i know: gzstuff truly is a 'special' community, as the many thoughtful comments on this humble blog prove. so many great comments to respond to, where could i possibly begin? I'll just start! In reverse chronological order of comment:

@Nancy Toyama – “maybe chinese have problem fitting the global culture, including myself”

Maybe it’s global culture, but the real problem is that the Chinese can’t fit me! I don’t know how it fits with you, but with me, it’s a pretty tight squeeze and sometimes it doesn’t fit at all, which makes me sad, obviously.

“To enter a global citizen's social circle will create a life style that is totally different from the traditional chinese's.”

Exactly! I’m already in the global citizens’ social circle, and now I just want to enter the Chinese! I can’t seem to enter the Chinese without it hurting, though ☹

@Joe – “Much of what they feel is a result of what's already going on inside of them. If it weren't you, it would have been some other guy.”

So, so true.

@Daniel – “…that can be also hurting, cause the family won't support your relationship, while she loves you, and gives her a hard time to decide whether to stay with you or leave.”

I don’t know what a girl’s family would think about me, but I doubt they would approve of our relationship or even be pleased to see it happen. Whether from her family, or from the pain I seem to always cause, you’re right though, girls I date certainly are in for a hard time.

@monifat.baby – “Just be brave to tell your girls what you are thinking of, J Sin.”

Thanks for the encouragement!!

“I had several relationships with foreign guys before and did sometimes feel hurt…”

I don’t know why this always happens with us… ☹

“But I do appreciate your braveness to write down the relationship problem here. Not many people will have the courage to do this.”

That’s why I’m so special!! ☺

@Mina P – “…try to find out what they need from you to make them satisfied”

I’m pretty sure of what I can give them, and satisfying is all I try to do, though, again, it’s exactly when I try to satisfy that they end up in pain. If I ignore a girl, she’s fine; whenever I stretch out and give a girl what she wants, though, that’s when I screw it up and just end up hurting her. What am I doing wrong?

@martin christian liu – “If you can not control your behavior after drunk, so you should not drink too much.”

Let’s not be drastic now…

@Mr. Cheung – “…the solution is that you thoroughly get rid of alcohol.”

Whoa! We’re getting a bit carried away here, guys!

@Shivani Hennie – “if they cannot accept it so let it be and go on…”

You’re right, of course. Really, though, I’d just like to find a girl who can just accept it!

@Laurence – “Also, lots of girls have issues reconciling the fun they have at night with all the crap they write on gzstuff…”

Totally agree. I myself do have some fun at night, but I don’t understand why people, like some of these girls you mention, write about their sex lives on gzstuff. We’ve all read the guidelines – gzstuff is NOT a dating website (and for good reason) – so it doesn’t make sense that some people would casually violate this rule and make disgusting posts about their sex life. Silly, immature, and – frankly – gross!

Thanks for all the comments, everyone. Even if you don’t understand exactly what I’m talking about – well, your comments are still worth their weight in gold.

I think I’ve come to realize that I can’t change myself. God made me the way I am, and I shouldn’t try – or, really, even want – to change the way God made me. That just wouldn’t be right.

So, I’ll just keep plowing ahead.

J Sin

Comment by Yama H on June 24, 2012 at 11:37am

Maybe is different view about love. I guess what you want is somebody to be with and hang out with but not a long term relationship. But chinese girls always fall into so much, what we want most of time is a long term develop relationship.Anyway, I think culture different is a problem also, language can not connect so well for you each other.-- only my own point,hope you dont mind ;-)

Comment by Nancy Toyama on June 19, 2012 at 9:43am

haha,this is fun. In my personal opoin, maybe chinese have problem fitting the grobal culture including myself. But not everyone want to be grobalize. And there maybe some contradictory subjective and objective . To enter a global citizen's social circle will creat a life style that is totally different from the traditional chinese's. We are a nation whose family member live really close by and ... Our nation have thousands year's history but in the same time we are so new while the western culture invade us. We just don't show it violently like the middle east.most of older generation reject the "western trash".

Comment by Joe on June 17, 2012 at 1:52pm

Don't blame yourself so much for what these girls said you did to them. Much of what they feel is a result of what's already going on inside of them. If it weren't you, it would have been some other guy.

Humans are simple creatures. They follow patterns. They get hurt or used and feel like shit and then they do it all over again. They can hardly help it because that's the way they have wired their own brains.

Comment by belovedmoona on June 17, 2012 at 12:08pm

Maybe you are too direct. For example, when you want to say something, you just let it out, but you never thought for the girls,standing on their aspect.

Comment by Daniel on June 16, 2012 at 4:07pm

My first thought was the cultural change you have caused in their life. Westerners (and mostly English speakers) might seem very rude to Chinese (and vice versa!!), for example being smartass and sharing your thoughts about China (which is mostly "uglifying" it) might hurt them, pointing out the negative side of their social behaviour, family habits, etc.. As I experienced if I talk something bad about China, that's an offense, but if they do, that's normal (and really, better if you just nod when they do)

Another way of hurting them might be to take their virginity, which makes them a lot less valuable in the society. A Chinese girl who is not virgin (and by the way f'd by a foreigner!) is pretty hard to find a Chinese husband.

Another way of hurting might be promises. Cause promises for Chinese girls usually works that they are 100% sure you gonna make it happen, even if you only meant dreaming... and once they realize this, they might be hurt.

Not being the perfect Chinese boyfriend... if the relationship is more serious, and you have an interaction with the family, you have no ways to find out an do that massive amount of expectations what the family has towards a boyfriend. That can be also hurting, cause the family won't support your relationship, while she loves you, and gives her a hard time to decide whether to stay with you or leave..

that's all I can think of...

Comment by Lisa on May 29, 2012 at 2:22pm

Just ask them what they need from you... I guess a big part means you dissapointed them.  

Comment by Natalie on May 28, 2012 at 9:51pm

ahaha and regarding Sam E's message, I think they just don't take jokes as lightly as foreigners do, because we're kinda used to insulting each other in sarcastic ways.

Comment by Natalie on May 28, 2012 at 9:49pm

This is weird... That shouldn't normally happen. I don't know.. did you cheat on them? did you flirt with another girl in front of them without realizing or said something that they might have thought was insulting?

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